Kekuatan, Kejujuran, dan Bahasa Air Mata – Agaknya kita seringkali terlena dengan dogma bahwa tangisan adalah lambang dari kelemahan. Apalagi ketika dikaitkan dengan jenis kelamin pria yang lekat dengan stereotype “Boys don’t cry“. Ya, sebuah lagu berjudul demikian menggema di telinga kita ketika dilantunkan oleh Robert Smith dari The Cure periode 1980-an. Namun, apa sesungguhnya kebenaran yang nyata di balik itu semua? Saya pribadi memiliki pandangan yang lain.

Tangisan adalah bentuk luapan otentik atas emosi atau ekspresi dari akumulasi perasaan yang tersimpan dalam sanubari kita sebagai manusia yang akhirnya tak terbendung lagi. Dalam konteks ini, saya menyebutnya dengan “bahasa air mata”. Jika dikaitkan dengan kekuatan, justru sangat relevan korelasinya. Mengapa? Bukankah pribadi yang kuat adalah pribadi yang tidak mudah menitihkan air mata? Oh, tunggu dulu. Sepertinya pemikiran konservatif macam itu harus dihapus dari diri kita. Mungkin, bagi mereka yang berpura-pura terlihat kuat sehingga sedemikian rupa menahan tetesan air mata untuk tidak jatuh di wajahnya, pemikiran tersebut memang benar adanya. Namun, untuk insan-insan yang memang betul-betul berkepribadian kuat, untuk apa berpura-pura kuat seperti itu? Toh, dengan membiarkan tumpahnya air mata di wajah mereka tak membuat mereka terlihat lemah. Mereka justru mampu berhadapan dengan realita yang ada. Mereka mampu menghadapi emosinya sendiri. Mereka tidak terpengaruh atas pandangan orang lain. Jadi pertanyaanya, apakah kita bagian dari orang-orang yang betul-betul berkepribadian kuat atau hanya berpura-pura kuat?

Di samping itu, jika dikaitkan bahasa air mata dengan kejujuran, maka hubungan yang erat bisa kita lihat secara jelas. Orang-orang yang jujur kepada diri mereka sendiri atas apa yang mereka rasakan, baik sedih, terharu, bahagia, terkejut, kesal, dan perasaan-perasaan lain yang pada akhirnya dapat mengakibatkan pecahnya sebuah tangisan adalah orang yang memiliki kejujuran yang tinggi. Mengapa? Karena sekali lagi saya tekankan bahwa mereka jujur pada diri mereka sendiri. Sedangkan orang-orang yang berusaha menyembunyikan perasaannya kepada khalayak dan bahkan kepada diri mereka sendiri adalah orang-orang yang patut dipertanyakan kejujurannya. Jangankan untuk berlaku jujur pada orang lain, toh pada dirinya sendiri pun mereka gemar berdusta. Bukankah hati yang lembut adalah hati yang peka pada perasaan yang dimilikinya? Bukankah dengan kita merasakan semua perasaan yang ada membuat hati kita menjadi terasah dan lebih peka akan kondisi yang ada? Menurut psikolog John Bradshaw dalam bukunya yang berjudul “Home Coming“, bahwa kita perlu terisak menangis agar semua perasaan yang ada dalam diri kita dapat kita rasakan dengan sungguh-sungguh sehingga kita betul-betul tersadar apa yang terjadi dalam hidup kita. Dengan demikian, bukankah akan menjadi lebih mudah untuk menentukan langkah-langkah apa yang akan kita lakukan dalam mengarungi kehidupan kita selanjutnya?

Baca juga : “Totalitas dan Konsistensi”

Lalu, bagaimana sesungguhnya pribadi dengan kekuatan dan kejujuran bisa terwujud tanpa mengesampingkan hadirnya bahasa air mata dalam kehidupan yang ada? Pribadi yang kuat adalah pribadi yang jujur atas apa yang ia alami. Ia boleh saja terlihat berduka di hadapan orang lain. Namun, tanpa kepura-puraannya atas embel-embel kekuatan tadi, ia tetap dapat melakukan apa yang orang lain bisa lakukan walaupun kondisinya berbeda dengan kondisi yang sedang ia alami. Mungkin seseorang bisa terlihat sedang berduka dikarenakan permasalahan pribadi yang sedang ia alami, itu bukan masalah. Asalkan ia tetap bisa beraktivitas, melaksanakan kewajibannya, memberikan kontribusinya selayaknya orang yang sedang berbahagia pada saat yang bersamaan. Dan berhentilah terus menghakimi orang-orang yang sedang berada dalam kondisi tersebut dengan menyepelakannya dan menjadikan orang-orang tersebut sebagai bahan tertawaan. Sebaliknya, kita wajib bersama-sama merangkul demi menolong orang-orang yang sedang dalam kondisi sulit tersebut. Karena bisa jadi suatu hari giliran kita yang berada dalam kondisi yang sedang dialami orang tersebut.

Jadi, berhentilah berbohong pada diri sendiri dan orang lan. Berhentilah berpura-pura menjadi kuat. Karena sesungguhnya kekuatan yang paling kuat adalah ketika kita mampu menjaga kejujuran kita tanpa embel-embel apapun.

(Pernah dipublikasikan di dengan judul “Tentang Sebuah Kebenaran : Kekuatan, Kejujuran, dan Bahasa Air Mata)


Penulis     : Arri Rama Putra
Redaktur  : Arri Rama Putra
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